Throughout my blogging journey I want to always take a moment to be transparent with my readers. I never want anyone to believe that I have all the answers and I am perfect…because I’m not. One of the most beautiful things to me about life is growth. I know God takes different opportunities in our life to test us so we can grow and continue to become what he has called us to do, be good witnesses.

The bible lets us know that we should count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. James 1:2-4

Let me tell how God has been growing me…….

What God revealed to me this month about myself first, was that even though I am constantly being complimented about my patience. I still lack it in a particular area, which is my love life. I am constantly thinking about when, where and how it will look and how it is going to happen. I was having a conversation with my friend and she was listening to me rant and rave about why God hadn’t come through for me. She said, “sounds like you have an issue with patience”. Initially I felt offended…..what you mean I don’t have patience, I’m always being told that I have the patience of Job. I have taken so much pride in this area but she didn’t fold. (One great thing about having an accountability partner in Christ). She’s constantly praying for me and I trust that God is giving her the message. Anything God reveals to you will align with his word first and it is usually repeated to me in multiple ways. By my third confirmation I surrender this area over to God….Lord help me be patient, don’t let me get in my own way. Your will not mine…..I’m still growing.

Another area of growth for me was in my giving. I mean I feel like I have come an extremely long way however I started to put boundaries on my giving. In my mind I felt like I can’t help everyone and when I look at my situation from a worldly standpoint…..I thought to myself that I had to take care of myself before others. Sounds logical right? Giving your time, money, items etc. is a way to honor God. It is a way to show God our heart. Well what does your heart say when you see a need and have it but you ignore it?  My, “boundaries “, was causing my heart to be hardened. God lead me to this scripture

Hebrews 3: 7-14 “Today, if you hear his voice, do not harden your hearts as you did in the rebellion, during the time of testing in the wilderness, where your ancestors tested and tried me, though for forty years they saw what I did. That is why I was angry with that generation; I said, ‘Their hearts are always going astray, and they have not known my ways.’  So I declared on oath in my anger, ‘They shall never enter my rest.

I never want to go against God’s will and as I was listening to Michael Todd’s message the other day, he said, “the Devil will never tell you to give”! That literally left me speechless. I will continue to move when God tells me and have faith that my needs will always be met contrary to what the world believes.

This last conviction broke me down the most. I recently needed a male friend of mine to be there for something that I felt was important to me. So I was extremely disappointed and was honestly upset. So I didn’t act in my typical temperament. I was shorter with this person more than usual, so much that I didn’t tell them to have a safe flight or that I loved them. Well when we talked again he shared how we was supposed to be on the flight with southwest and the tragedy that had happened. I felt terrible, I honestly cried that night of bible study. The topic was love, agape love, that sacrificial love, like God. Our love should remain constant because the Holy Spirit abides in us. Now clearly I was in my flesh (a humbling experience for me because I do try to walk in the spirit daily) however I had stepped out of character and realized that I am flawed. Not only did I choose to act out of character because I didn’t get my way ( definitely childish) I realized that love is a deed and how many times have I ignored a need of someone needing me, the same way I felt like I needed him. I had been self-centered and that night God showed me my flaw and in that moment God did not abide in me.

So why are these things important? In 1st John he states that the evidence of a BELIEVER is LOVE! We have to understand that Love is a deed. If I lack patience, I will grow weary in my faith to see things through. If I hardened my heart and not give, because I am being selfish taking care of my own needs instead of being obedient, I miss opportunities to one show God my heart and two show God’s heart through me, which is major! And finally if I allow myself to become self-centered and keep a record of my needs that aren’t being met. I become negative and lack gratitude. I lose the opportunity to be a witness because my lifestyle (attitude isn’t lining up with God’s word) I miss the needs of those around me because of that, “me only” attitude, versus a we over me attitude. My first lady told us that if we love the way God has called us to do, we have the power to show the world an unseen God. How many people have not come to God because the way “Christians” act…..I don’t want to be a negative example.

So my prayer tonight is a release of that area that God has been tugging at your heart. What does he want you to do or see but you keep missing it? Give all of yourself to lord, let him order yourself and watch him start to move and do miraculous things not only in your life but the people around you that you encounter along the journey. Lord let us love the way you have called us to love! In Jesus name we pray amen!


A sista on the sofa Kendal.