I Only Mess with Chicks with the Good Hair

I was having a conversation with one of my close friends about Chris Brown recent comment “I only mess with chicks with the good hair”, she said everyone has a right to their preference which really made me reflect.

I didn’t want to touch on this topic, but God kept nudging at my spirit so here we are.

I was on Instagram watching a Christian Poet by the name of Preston Perry. He has two chocolate doctors but in this particular Instagram story he was in the pool with his four-year-old daughter.  Her skin is definitely sun kissed and she has a nice thick grade of hair. What touched my spirit however is him affirming his daughter, he told her she was the most beautiful four-year-old in the world. His daughter Eden had the biggest smile on her face. I went back to the comment Chris Brown left and asked myself why can’t all black men or women have this same energy?

Going back to the preference comment my friend made, to me it is more than just a preference. Sometimes our preferences can translate into self-hate. Now I know not everyone is on this train of bridging the black community back together, but if you are, the pinning us up against one another must stop.

So, what was so bad about his comment?

If you trace our history black to slavery, our hair was deemed as unattractive to our European counterparts and in addition to breaking up families, changing our names, African American women’s hair was shaved off to denounce anything to related to the African culture.

I think it is important to openly admit to a lack of knowledge or being misinformed. Culturally tracing back to us first arriving here, there was something unique about us including the different textures of our hair. Unfortunately society is still telling us what pretty, beautiful hair is. I’ll admit, I myself even fell into this hype, perming my hair for years or always admiring a certain type of curl pattern. Having my daughter changed my perspective. How can I teach my brown skinned, thick hair daughter that she is beautiful when I have self-hate towards my own hair?

One event really opened my eyes. For anyone who has ever helped me style Christina hair, knows how thick it is. I took her to a hair appointment and the stylist assistant started to wash her hair. She said, “oh baby you got good hair, I couldn’t tell at first”. Christina and I talked about it once we left the beauty shop. I made sure from that day forward to remind her that she is perfectly and wonderfully made in Christ and despite what society quote on quote standards are to never forget that. Something that stands out to me is this constant desire to want what we don’t have. On an episode of teen mom 2, one of the mothers has a daughter who is Puerto -Rican and black. The girl has a beautiful curl pattern but desires straight hair like her mom’s side of the family. The family talked to her about the complex and even showed her other children and women who looked like her.

In efforts to practice what I preach, I switched to braids to help my hair grow out naturally. I have so many pinned hairstyles of natural hair of all types of curl patterns, because I recognized the beauty in all things God has created. I’m thankful that through my own child I was able to embrace a look that society has programmed me not to like.


As I close out this blog, I want to make this clear that this is not an attack on Chris Brown at all (this is bigger than him), I think it is just a reminder in the strides we still have to make in order to grow as a community. From a spiritual perspective I think it is important to remind ourselves that we were made in God’s image. Therefore, it is our reminder to treat everyone with dignity and respect when it comes to race, nationality, gender and age.

Father God my prayer tonight is for society as whole, to begin to tear down the walls we have built to separate us. Understanding that there are powers in numbers, but through division we will always be defeated. Help us open our own eyes to our discriminatory ways, so we may love how you love. In Jesus name I pray amen.


Your Sista on the Sofa