I recently had several conversations with men about dating and really had an epiphany. Women have books, TV shows, moms, sisters, friends etc. guiding them through the dating process and helping them identify the right man to settle down with but on the contrary, there isn’t a lot about men being taught to identify a good wife.
I know in today’s society men are always being bashed but the truth is, there are still good men out there and they are meeting women who have or will scar them. So, I decided to dedicate this post to fellas.
Here our a few characteristics Godly man should avoid when courting a woman.
Avoid a woman who isn’t hard working. Remember as you are considering entering marriage, a partnership, you want someone who is about doing God’s work. Most of the time your purpose will be aligned, but if you are dating a woman who has no type of vision over her life, doesn’t want to work or take care of the house……you may have a problem on your hand. We know what happens when our mind is idle. Women gossip may cheat and are always in conflict in some type of form, because they have nothing to lose. A woman in purpose will add to what God is already at work in your own life, however if you connect with the wrong woman, everything you have built will start to diminish.
Avoid a woman who is not prudent. A Godly woman is intentional even when it comes to the future. You want to avoid the woman who shows no care about what is to come. The woman that doesn’t invest in her future or legacy. This is the type of woman who will not understand the need for you to say as the man, “ we are saving this amount of money every month to get out of debt, to open up a business”, or any other sacrifice, because they aren’t worried about the future, BUT THE NOW , what they desire in that moment only.
Seek a woman who is wise and understanding. I believe an important question to ask a woman, is, who do you turn to when it is time to make a tough decision? Do you make a rash decision, do you seek wise counsel, or are you so confident in your abilities that you don’t need anything help at all? That question will reveal if she is both understanding and wise. A wise woman knows when to humble herself, first to God’s word, waits and listens to know when to speak, seek and make a move when the timing is right.
Avoid a selfish woman. I stand strong on this because I really was selfish. It was always about me and by any means, my needs would always be met. Once I developed a true relationship with Christ, I realized that mindset was counter Christian culture. I had to wake up every morning with the mantra that my life was not my own. A man tied to the previous of version of myself, would be a hopeless man because no matter what he did for me, I would not inconvenience myself for him. Now I have a heart that seeks to serve (definitely have to give credit to God) because I was selfish.
Here are a few tips to identify if a woman is selfish. First mistake a man will make when thinking a woman isn’t selfish is by watching how she treats you….smh think about it if a woman is trying to impress you and wants to lock it down, she will “put on”, meaning give you the version of herself that she thinks you want. Pay attention to how she serves the people around her: family, friends, waiters, strangers.
When she does help people, is she putting it on display to be awarded, applauded or is it part of her character? Remember to check for the fruit.
Is she trustworthy?
Being able to trust someone but especially your woman is related to integrity and being vulnerable.
What I’m learning right now about being vulnerable is that I have to feel safe with my partner. The same should go for men. You want to be with a woman that you can be completely open to, to not be afraid of sharing your vision(dreams) and she is throwing it in your face when she’s upset. You never want to be in a position with a woman that at the moment you can’t provide, or your financial situation changes she’s on the phone gossiping, venting on social media or looking outside the relationship for comfort and support (emotional or physical).
It is better to live in a corner of the roof, than in a house shared with a contentious woman. Contentious means, an often perverse and wearisome tendency to quarrel and dispute. It is so easy to get caught up in culture, watching women argue, talk to crazy to not only you as a man, but other people too, if there is a “problem”. AND THINK THAT TYPE OF BEHAVIOR is ok. This is the most dangerous type of woman to be with. She is the type of woman who never takes responsibility for her actions and always puts the blame on others. She is a manipulator and will play the victim at all cost.
Ways to identify this type of woman: when a conflict does arise with others, ask her the role she served in the dispute? See how she responds, if she owns up to her wrong doings without making a justification you know the……. Well I did this because……
As I closed again my purpose in writing this post isn’t bash women nor say all men are perfect. However, I find value in informing Godly men, who should be leaders in their homes with identifying their partners in purpose. One of my huge core values are families. I believe a lot of the problems that we see facing our nation is due to the broken family unit. So, as a woman I am praying for the head, that he has the knowledge to know what kind of woman he should be seeking and creating life with.
Father God I’m praying that this post, changes the narrative with dating and its current state. That men will start to share with one another, encourage one another, when it comes to choosing a wife and starting a family. I pray that anyone woman who reads this post has a heart check including myself, to pray for anything that is not of you Lord, to be removed. I pray that you can continue to build both men and women up, making us over, so that we can redefine a culture, representing healthy relationships and authentic love. In Jesus name I pray amen.
Your Sista on the Sofa,