Black Family Matters


family gathering for a group hug
Photo by August de Richelieu on

If I am being honest, I went back and forth with writing this post. Quarantine initially was going really well, but things took a turn after George Floyd’s death and all the other countless bodies before or afterwards became a collage, replaying over and over in my head. Emotionally I was exhausted and didn’t have much to say……..but a colleague and myself went back in forth which is where this post was inspired. I want to address the need of the reconstruction of the black family.

In order to start I have begin where the demise first took place and that was slavery. In order to control us, division had to be created. Amongst age, the variations of our skin colors, but most importantly the separation of not only our language, heritage, but our family. Strategically being thought out, plan and executed.

They started with the Black Men’s mind. Creating a mentality that was solely dependent on them. Therefore, creating a woman who is independent, and her children follow, young girls being independent and taking part in responsibilities well above their age and unfortunately leaving are young boys still dependent and history repeating itself.

I believe to promote racial equity and eliminate poverty and injustice it is all mixed up in  restructuring of the black family.

So, what does that look like

This Father’s Day more than ever I noticed so many Fathers being highlighted. Let’s continue to pour into our men and that position they hold within our homes. I believe nobody can serve as a greater role model than a father that is present in their children’s lives.  Fathers provide wisdom, insight, discipline and encouragement. It is so much security that is wrapped up in that position which involves the father to be active and present in the home. A father’s love encourages their children to always dream and pursue their goals not only through their words but actions. Empowering our children with a true mindset they can accomplish anything that they put effort in. Through that male perspective they are teaching their children discipline naturally, where in the future they are learning basic essential needs but creating a financial structure that will carry on as a legacy. This is vital for us to break away from the chains of structure that was meant to hold us back. Finally, spirituality is something that always has been a part of black culture, the Father is the spiritual leader in the home and an example of when adversity appears, how to respond in prayer, logic and action.

Being protected and provided for not only financially, but emotionally is another vital component that a woman needs. Without this Mothers attempt to hold the role of both disciplinary and nurturer, which unfortunately for a lot of us has left the ripple effects of emotional scars (neglect, lack of vulnerability and a whole host of other childhood trauma). A mother’s love is faithful, relentless and courageous. Both parents are essential building blocks, for our black community, and together they make a greater impact than separately.

I want not only to be a part of a thriving black successful marriage and raise emotionally and financially intelligent children, but I want my community to thrive as well. My mission as Licensed Professional Counselor is help build strong emotionally sane couples and families. In order for me to be successful at what I do, I have to speak truth and start with my own community. This is my why!


My prayer is for anyone reading this. That they are purposeful and intentional about who they build and connect with. That people find the right mate to develop and establish a healthy family. For my married readers, I ask that you continue to pour into their marriages, reveal any blind spots, heal the areas that need to be heal, have couples not only walk in purpose, but encourage others around them, mentor them, teach God how to build one another up and connect in a way, where your people can experience joy, happiness and all of earth’s treasures. It is in your name I trust, amen.


Your Sista On The Sofa,