When people meet me, the usual responses are you are sweet, meek, so nice etc. Which are all great compliments however I like to view myself as bold, I’m highly intuitive and a lot of times I feel lonely in the most crowded spaces.
So, I’ve been reflecting (I mean because that’s why I love to do) about why I feel lonely a lot of times and I realized why mindset matters when it comes to relationships.
Our mindsets are our thoughts, beliefs, and expectations. It is the way we view the world and it directly plays a part in how we live every day.
In a more practical explanation, our mindset are things we value and the choices we make daily that correlate with our standards.
I believe 2020 exposed more things this year and it is vital to be in a relationship with a like-minded individual.
For example, lets talk about health. With the pandemic going on I believe it uncovered the raw reality of not only our health care system but just how substantially money matters to our country. For me personally there are a few things that I stand firm on in regard to my health. I see the value of what I put in my body and the direct results from that, I personally see the worth of my husband matching that mindset so we can raise healthy children and walk out our purpose for as long as possible. I don’t want to always defend why I am eating what I eat and why I don’t want my kids to eat fast food, drink juice etc. I have a few strong stands about vaccinations and homeschooling as well, but I’ll save that for a future blog post.
This post to help singles or people who are dating signs that they are paired with a like minded individual.
- Identify your core values and personal beliefs. Remember we are guided by our values and large issues arise when partners do not have many shared values. Many couples overlook these issues initially because most of our in the infatuation stages however eventually they can become stumbling blocks later in your relationship. So, share your core values and make sure your future partner is on board with them.
- Make sure you aren’t with someone just because they look good on paper meaning they check all the boxes you believe you needed but your spirit is bored or disconnected when you are with them. I had a conversation with my sister one day and told her, “be with the man that puts your spirit at ease without talking, his presence brings you a peace even in his silence, that’s the one you marry. When you have an unsettling feeling 9 times out of 10 it is probably not the right person for you.
- Don’t ignore signs of things that annoy you early on. Going back to the core values, if you know don’t want to someone who drinks every day, but you push it aside because you like other things about them, that may turn into a bigger issue down the line, make sure you are having conversations early on and if it is something you are willing to compromise on before committing to a lifetime with someone.
- Change is inevitable and growth is a good thing however you don’t want to change who you are to fit the mold of what someone else likes for example, if you don’t like sports at all but pretend you like them to appear compatible with somebody, that imposter syndrome will rear its ugly head in the relationship. So, stay true to who you are as an individual. It will make the relationship better in the long run.
- Finally, here our a few interesting questions to ask to see if you are with a like-minded companion?
- What are your dreams? (what drives or motivates them)
- What kind of parent do you think you would be, what has happened in your past that you believe shapes your parenting style? (parenting)
- Do you consider yourself a saver or a spender? What is your money story? (finances)
- What is your fighting style? (how do they argue, is it healthy)
- What sports athlete do you most relate to and why (team player)
- How soon do you move on from things when favor doesn’t seem to be on your side (commitment to things when they get rough)?
- What is the hardest thing you ever gotten through (intimacy and trust)?
- Who are your relationship goals? (standards)
- What life lessons do you plan on passing to your children (legacy)
- What is your idea of a perfect day (hobbies and interests)?
I know it is common to say opposites attract, and honestly maybe it does for some, but that lonely feeling I discussed earlier, you don’t want to feel isolated and lonely within your marriage. Some of my happiest days when it comes to socializing are filled with my best friend and future husband. I want everybody to be able to experience that feeling. Remember a couple who shares core values, which are a set of fundamental beliefs, are likely to last longer and be happier. I hope this post was helpful and beneficial. Happy Dating.
Your Sista On the Sofa,