How to Change Your Attachment Style

So, if you are reading this today, I am assuming you are here from last week’s blog. Welcome back, I wanted to encourage all my readers that just because you identified with one particular attachment style, does not mean that’s your forever style. Here are a few exercises that can aid you in changing your attachment style.

 For the Avoidant Style

It is important for you to find a rhythm of giving and taking.

Allow your partner to do things for you, you can start small with 1- 3 task a week and build from there.

Make a list of things that you are grateful for that your partner provides in your life.

Get into the habit of accepting and even instigating physical touch. Tell yourself that it’s good for you to have some intimacy. Intimacy can help you feel safe and secure.

And over time you can realize that it’s okay to rely on other people.

For the Anxious Style

Anxiety comes from the unknown, so it is important to set clear expectations to your partner. Tonight, I would like to have dinner with you at 7 p.m. it would mean a lot to me to be able to spend one on one time together. Do you believe that is something you can commit to?

This will help you start to engage in open and honest communication and decrease those anxious thoughts.

No matter what style you have I want to encourage you to be your positive motivational speaker or coach.

Affirm yourself day and night: saying statements,” I am worthy to be loved”, I am a positive and likeable person to be around.

Do mirror work, tell yourself that you love you! There isn’t another person like you, you are loved, these statements will start to rewire your brain, moving you towards having a secure attachment.

I watched a video recently on youtube and this woman, discussed how much joy and love her home was filled with because she speaks life not only into yourself but everything around her. Changing the way you see things sincerely will change your life. This is a start finally.

I understand that changing our attachment style isn’t a 123 formula, these are suggestions, however if you are struggling still in your relationship or with self-love in general, I want to encourage you to seek a mental health professional. They can guide you through some of those tough conversations and help rewire your thinking.

Like always,

Happy Dating,


Your Sista On the Sofa,