Understanding Your Family of Origin and Relationships

Where do we begin…..


A lot of times we grow up without the best examples of a healthy marriage or family model unfortunately leaving us to figure things out on our own. That includes bringing the baggage and unhealed wounds from our family units into our relationships. We all bring our own learned habits, preferences, communication styles, ways of expressing emotion into relationships and marriages.

I believe that is valuable and beneficial to be aware of how your family has shaped you as an individual and the patterns you display within your own relationships.

I believe in the power of recognition as I shared the other day my experiences with trying to not be a burden and how it serves a major role in my relationships currently with people feeling like they can’t or don’t know how to help me.

Because it is power in self-awareness here are a few self-reflecting questions you can ask yourself and your future spouse or current one:

What role did you play in your family? What roles did your other family members play?

What emotions were expressed openly and what emotions were not okay to express in your family?

How was conflict handled in your family?

How did your family communicate? What communication patterns do you notice?

How was affection shown and how was physical touch approached in your family?

How were finances handled in your family?

What role, if any, did faith play in your family life?

What did your family do together for fun? What traditions did you have?

What parts of your family do you admire? What aspects were difficult for you/do you hope not to imitate?

After you have reflected, I want you and your spouse to create a goal of how you will always honor and hold yourself accountable, if some of those negative patterns seep into your relationship.

I’ll leave you with this getting a deeper understanding of yourself and how it intertwines with your mate, will allow you to start breaking the generational barriers you may have encountered in the past and create a new legacy within your own families.

Father God, today I come before you praying for anyone who may be reading this post and have or is currently facing challenges within their family or relationships. Anything that left them feeling neglected or wounded. I ask that you heal any areas of brokenness, bitterness, anxiety or fear. Mend hearts, grant peace and fill them up with joy. Align them with right resources and people to help them grow in any weak areas. It is in your name we trust amen.

As always happy dating, 


Your Sista on the Sofa,