Some of you may or may not know, but I am a huge fan of Married at First Sight. This New Orleans season has really been a good one. This post is also inspired by one couple in particular name Karen and Miles, Miles is an educator, he struggles with depression but has a servant attitude. He is also emotionally expressive in an extremely healthy way; however, his wife begs to differ. She looks at him as not being as masculine. It really had me thinking about how toxic masculinity really can ruin your relationship.
First let’s define toxic masculinity: a cultural concept of manliness that glorifies stoicism, strength, virility, and dominance, and that is socially maladaptive or harmful to mental health: Men and women both suffer when toxic masculinity perpetuates expectations that are restrictive and traumatizing.
How does it show up in relationships?
Lack of emotions: Toxic masculinity has the perception that men are not to show emotions and women show them all with the exception of only showing negative emotions like anger. This type of mindset can lead to men feeling like they can only be heard properly when they are aggressive. Causing a violate home environment.
Affection equals only sex: Often times toxic masculinity may cause men to feel uncomfortable with holding hands or asking for hugs and kisses. This can create an environment where only partner enjoys sex and lacks a sincere authentic connection.
Power: With Toxic Masculinity and power two things can happen, it can lead woman feeling like she does not have a voice to speak up in the relationship and constantly hide her feelings or a power struggle.
Gender roles: Now anyone that knows me personally, knows I am extremely traditional, and I enjoy gender roles, because they fit me…. however, that does not work in all relationships. When masculinity is toxic within a home, gender roles may make people feel uncomfortable because they are now doing things that do not come natural to them. Please don’t say this is what a Man is supposed to do or vice versa my woman is supposed to clean, cook, etc.
So now that we understand how this type of energy can cause damage in your home, what can you do it about it ?
My first advice is what we are doing now. Educate yourself men and women on this topic. Learn as much as you can and be honest with yourself when you feel triggered by the truth.
Once you learn about Toxic Masculinity ask yourself if you have contributed to those negative thoughts. If so, why do you feel the way you feel, where does it stem from? How did those affect your relationships with others?
Hold yourself accountable, once you discover the root to your issue, start changing the behaviors and if you need help, I highly suggest finding a therapist or counselor in your area to sort out those emotional hurdles.
I want to leave my readers with this reminder. That when you truly allow God in your life and take in the wisdom and apply it. The unconditional loves bleeds from within you causing you to speak from a place of love, to extend grace even when it comes to those gender role expectations. I always say love shifts the atmosphere if you are still struggling find some groups or mentor programs that help aide in changing the dynamic within relationships. And always happy dating.
Sincerely,
Your Sista on the Sofa,
Kendal
Sistas On The Sofa 