7 Transformative Tips to Usher in Healthy Love

For some reason B Simone can’t stop trending. I watched a video the other day with her and Desi Banks. They were discussing her vision board. She showed that she had trending on the vison board lol she jokingly stated; I should have posted positive trending.

What’s so crazy to me is I watched the video maybe five times of her talking about attracting the love you desire. In her video she mentioned to write characteristics that you desire in your dream man and then write what type of woman you need to be, to show up at his side? Nothing wrong with that, right ?

Well she sent the internet in an uproar. And Yall for the life of me I don’t understand why people were upset surrounding the concept of like attracts like.

So, let’s discuss this further, one thing she pointed out is having a guy who is family oriented, but you don’t talk or come around your family. You may be thinking well my family is different etc. Underneath the surface of whatever your issue may be when you get upset with your partner subconsciously you have already taught yourself to run or cut people off when things don’t go your way. In other words, your unhealed wounds will always spew out.

So how do you usher in healthy love.

Well first lets me throw out some characteristics of a healthy relationship:

Trust, a space that allows respectful but open and honest communication, patient, flexibility  and extension of grace when someone may not be the best version of themselves in one particular moment, empathy, being affectionate, appreciation is shown throughout the relationship ,the ability to assess, reflect and grow, respect , reciprocity , healthy conflict resolution , a safe space for yall to come together as one but still leaving room  for individuality and respecting one another’s personal boundaries.

So now that you have a better understanding of what a healthy relationship looks like how do you usher in this type of love for yourself.

I agree with B Simone and for any clients that I have worked with currently and in the past, I encourage them to show up as the best version of themselves. Well what does that look like?

As some of you may or may not, I am believer. So, my first step is always going to start in the spiritual area first, develop or strengthen your current relationship with God. Why is this important, if you understand that God is love, what he said love is and understanding that God has already gifted you with everything you need, I believe a shift can immediately take place when you walk in that power and that knowing. (remember developing a relationship with God doesn’t look any one particular way, just open your heart and start to speak, you will be moved in what direction you need to go).

My advice when working with both men and women, I encourage them to get back in balance with their divine feminine or divine masculine.

The first step is making sure your basic needs are met. I remember being newly single and some of my friends encouraging me to date. I was so confused and baffled at the time because I was in an empty apartment with some items my ex had graciously let me keep, but besides that I didn’t have much and I was barely making any real money. So, what are you saying Kendal? I am encouraging anyone that wants love to really evaluate if they feel safe and secure in their current situation when it comes to where you are currently whether that emotional or physical things like money. If not get those things in order first.

I think another huge misconception for singles when wanting love, is the person is supposed to be your entertainment. Without that person or a person in general, you are deeply saddened and in a constant state of I need. My next tip is to live out loud. Creativity is the root to authenticity. The more you create the more you discover your true desires and you are able to express them on a regular basis. So start cooking, painting, dancing, writing, whatever you like but just create.

My third tip is to practice what you preach. I remember being maybe 26 or 27 and looking at list of things I created. I was like you are requesting a whole lot, what are you going to bring to the table. This is when I sat down and wrote out my core values, why were certain things important to me, like a man being healthy for example and what did I need to do, to hold my end of the bargain? I remember someone said to me around that time, well it sounds like you want to be perfect. Which I understand perfection is not attainable however, my prayer was to be a light and reevaluating my core values and walking it like I talk it, helped me become more aligned with what it was I wanted and start attracting the things all the things I wanted.

I forgot what I was watching earlier but a woman expressed how even when she may not be receiving love, she gives it anyway. I was like yes, me too! But this isn’t easy, it goes back to my number one tip understanding that God is love and if God resides in you and you know it, activate that loving power. First start by loving yourself, flaws included ( change the things that don’t make you the most pleasant person to be around ) develop a self-care routine that includes exercise and a diet that is centered around your blood type, these are exterior changes that will adjust your mood and allow you to create a more vibrant spirit. Learn your love language and show love to yourself but also learn others love language around you so that you can love them properly as well. Give freely without any expectations on your end, start expressing yourself to be loveable and I guarantee you, love will return tenfold.

Loving yourself also shows up in the form of self-talk. How do you affirm yourself daily and do you believe it? I listen to worship music daily sometimes with lyrics and sometimes without, I do my affirmations and I express gratitude for being made the way I am with all my unique gifts. These small things are a great way to adjust my hearts posture and no matter what things may come my way, I still have overall good days.  When I feel good about myself it is easy to give an outpour of love and admiration to those I encounter daily.

Start meditating. I remember I made a post about my daughter meditating ever morning. My mom responded with “meditating”, yes meditating. Meditation changed my life, it was the first shift that I included in my morning routine that helped me lose over 60 lbs. of weight, get a job that I wasn’t even qualified for on paper and start making the money I desired. So, I know that word can deter people, or they may not think it works, but once I learned how to silence my mind, God started speaking to me even more clearly. So yes, meditate and manifest. Start with including into a morning routine with your reading, worship and affirmations and watch your life change for the better.

Now that you are shifting some old habits around start envisioning what makes an attractive healthy partner and what do you need to do to become one. How can you show up as your best version of yourself or when people are connected to you, what type of impact are you leaving on them is it positive or negative?

Once you tap into your spiritual power, I want to encourage you to get busy in your purpose. Your purpose is usually related to things you are passionate about, but most importantly it is a service to others. So, imagine yourself doing something that you wouldn’t get paid for, but it brings you an immense amount of joy and happiness. That thing is most likely your purpose. Start dedicating your time to living in it and again watch a shift take place in who you are as a person.

I want to be transparent it may not be easy to do these tips alone so If you are struggling with implementing any of these tips feel free to reach out to a professional mental health provider or a personal coach that fits your needs whether that’s me or someone else.

So initially before writing my blog I asked myself do you agree with Bsimone, and my answer is of course I do. These tips will not only bring in a healthy romantic love, but better healthy relationships all around but most importantly with yourself. So, I hope this blog was helpful

And as Always,

Happy Dating, 


Your Sista on the Sofa,