I have been hooked on this show called “ Put A Ring On IT”, on the OWN network. This post was inspired around something I heard on the show. Jessica and Eric are two guest on the show. Eric was released from the NFL ( tough pill to swallow as any of us could imagine) during this time period he begin to push his fiancé out of his life. No more true intimacy (emotional, social, and physical). During Jessica’s time to started to feel closed out and started entertaining other men…one athlete in particular. I mean really what was she supposed to do????????
My goal as your sista on the sofa, is to equip you with the tools, to cultivate a healthy relationship. So here are a few tips for when your spouse is pushing you away.
Avoid saying, “I know how you feel” or I feel sorry for you. Instead show your support by being positive with a smile, hug them, kiss them, and remind them that you have seen them overcome obstacles that others give up afterwards and you have the faith and assurance they will overcome this.
Always strive to be a good listener and never pass judgment. There is a tremendous difference in someone who listens and someone who dominates the conversation with advice that comes off as highly critical. Be sure to ask open ended questions in a kind, loving, nonjudgmental way. When your spouse is going through a tough time try to remember that he/she needs your encouragement and support much more than your advice.
When we truly love someone, you should be their biggest cheerleader. I am not going to lie I have experienced my partner losing family members, failing business, career troubles and an multitude of other things, but I really am proud of him and what he stands for despite any hardship. My goal is to always be a light so what that looks like is doing something fun together, sharing one our favorite inside jokes, watching a comedy, I believe happiness is a gift that can never be stolen by illness, work problems or any other struggle life throws into your path. Laughing will not cure the problem, but it sure will make your spouse feel better even if it’s only a moment.
If you been following me for a while, then you know I am a believer and with that being said, prayer will always be my first line of defense in a hardship. I remember early on in my relationship my partner had a serious issue at work, I can tell how stress he was and I didn’t want him to worry more by me asking a million and one questions. So I prayed for him alone first and then sent the prayer. That situation had turned around in less than 24 hours and I know it was the sincerity in my prayer. I just did the same thing with one of my brothers and if I went into detail about a situation my other brother was in, yall wouldn’t even believe me…….I’m going say this prayer works, pray, trust and watch God move.
Be respectful and mindful if you find yourself venting. Because this is your significant other you will be affected as well, but try to remember they are closer to the problem and you are not the person who should be venting or blowing off steam. Making the problem about yourself and complaining will only push your significant other way during this difficult time. Instead, offer them support. Love them. Be kind to them. Raise them up. If you are becoming overwhelmed let someone else support you during this transitional phase.
Offer your help and continue offering your help. Cook dinner, take out the garbage, bring home flowers or just leave a post it on the mirror in the bathroom that says, “I love you” or “I believe in you.” It’s the little things that sometimes mean a lot. Bring everything you do back to love. Love is the highest vibration on this earthly planet and it really can move mountains. It is an extremely powerful tool when you are going through a tough time. It sincerely is the greatest gift through a hardship.
Resist the urge to fix, heal or rush them through the process. Sit with them, listen to them, and be honest when times get tough. The power of your actions and words cannot be underestimated. Letting your significant other know that you are there for them, and you will listen to their feelings, dry their tears, and travel to the moon and back will show them that your love is worth more than its weight in gold. Being a nonjudgmental, caring presence in your significant other’s life can significantly impact on how they feel and cope during the hardship. Remember yall, love your significant other selflessly and support them unconditionally.
If you are looking to get your relationship back in alignment, want to divorce proof your marriage and maintain a healthy and sustainable happy union, click the link. I would love to serve you.
As Always Readers,
Your Sista on the Sofa.