2 Mindset Shifts to Make Your Marriage Last Forever

I often compare our relational transactions to those in our business or work settings. 

More times than not we show up completely differently at work than what we do in our relationships. I know, I know, we have an incentive to keep us going (money). 

I guess my question is why not have the same attitude, or perspective when it comes to losing your spouse? 

You don’t show up at work expecting your boss to change first and then you will do the work. Quite frankly if we did that most of us would not have a place to work. So my goal is to transfer that same mindset in how we show up in our relationships and marriage. 

And it all starts with mindset! 

I want to give you a real practical example of a fixed mindset.

Have you ever felt like you had to give up because you didn’t have the ability to solve a problem? Or better yet do you watch your child or children give up immediately because they aren’t good at something? 

Someone with a fixed mindset is more focused on the judgment that is made about their actions.  They want to prove that they have the ability to do something, but if they do not have that ability they are more likely to avoid the situation where they do not expect to be successful. The outcome is the only thing that matters, not the process.

This mindset issue is what I believe is happening within our marriages. We haven’t had the best models when it comes to marriage, so more often than not our true thoughts are “ can I accomplish this forever thing”. Avoiding the areas needed to ensure success on their end and not patiently waiting for your partner to change. 

Here are a few phrases of a fixed mindset in your relationship: 

“They should know what makes me feel loved!,” whereas a person with a growth mindset says, “I believe my partner can learn how to love me if I communicate clearly and they work hard at it.” 

Or 

“I shouldn’t have to work on my relationship. If it isn’t good now, it will never be good.” A growth-mindset person says, “Relationships go through periods of highs and lows. I think we can get through this if we both make a consistent effort.”

So how do we make this shift from a fixed mindset to a growth mindset? 

We know our thoughts are powerful and ultimately will come into fruition. Every time you utter or even think the thought, you my dear are manifesting it. So let’s shift them. 

Change your thinking from absolutes to more grace filled and hopeful thinking. You do this by first being aware of how critical you think of your partner and start swapping out those words. This takes time and intentionality  so using a journal of some sort may be helpful.  

Next CELEBRATE THEM  it seems simple and almost like a “duh Kendal”moment but you will be surprised how many couples don’t stop to celebrate one another. I don’t even mean like a new job promotion, however you should celebrate things like that as well. I mean celebrating that woman who has been keeping the house clean and organized, she is cooking and taking care of the children. Stop her, take her out on a date, give her a just because gift…..whatever you do let her know “hey I see you and appreciate how you have been showing up for me lately”. 

AND Women yall do the same thing, men sometimes get the short end of the stick when it comes to being romanced because we do alot of of day to day nurturing, however they like to be seen, heard and appreciated as well. So ladies do the same  thing to celebrate him “ give a massage / shower affirmation moment to him, fill his cup up, tell him how much you respect him and how easy it is to honor him daily because of the things he does to make you feel protected and secure. 

Research shows that when couples monitor pleasurable interactions with each other, they report a higher level of relationship happiness. This means that the more you pay attention to the positive interactions, the more you notice them, and the happier you feel in your marriage. So don’t skip the celebration component, it’s going to be beneficial to not only your marriage but shifting your mindset. 

Finally if you feel like you are stuck in a bad cycle and can’t seem to get out of your negative thoughts in your marriage. Book a chemistry consultation, let’s see how I can serve you. This is just a small taste of how I assist my clients in my Divorce Proof Your Marriage Program. 

As always, 

Happy dating,

Sincerely, 

Your Sista on the Sofa ,

Kendal