Oddly enough. I was having a conversation this morning with a friend. We were discussing the wandering eye syndrome with couples.
I have a theory not for everybody but for some couples that start to look else where in their relationships is because they aren’t fostering their own. So, anything on the outside starts to look better.
One reason why I am extremely passionate about creating healthy relationships because I know a lot of people who cheat. I’ve also been in situations where men would have stepped out on their wives if I would have let them.
I’m super big on the concept of divorce proofing your relationship.
Here’s out thee 12 habits are a sure way to keep your relationship healthy.
Make a point to connect daily.
Did you know that small interactions like hugging, kissing, encouragement, affirmations, and active listening to your spouse helps build a deeper level of intimacy and trust. Strengthening your relationship overtime.
If you aren’t new to the blog, Yall know how I feel about regularly checking in. Now don’t get upset about my analogy but think about your job. Most jobs have weekly team meetings or at minimum monthly. That’s because a good cooperation knows that highlighting what is working motivates people and identifying weak spots is a way to strengthen the team. Rather we want to admit it ir not outside of love and championship, a marriage is a business and it is vital to check in to make sure you all last until death does you part.
Remember to aim for an apology that expresses empathy for your partner, takes responsibility for your actions or the role you played in the situation and show that you’re working to change the behavior.
Don’t hold Grudges
The healthiest couples express how they feel if and when they’ve been hurt, they do what they can to make sure it doesn’t reoccur, they accept the apology, and then they work hard to let go and live in the present.
Regularly express how much they mean to you
These are simple things like a love note on the mirror, a simple text message, a note in their lunch or simply just saying it. The goal is to let them know you are thinking about them and the value they add to your life.
Have those tough conversations
The other night I was talking to client about dissatisfaction in their sex life and asked if she had communicated what she needed the response of course was no. Here’s the thing couples who stay together have uncomfortable conversations where they share difficult emotions. When couples feel their expression of anguish is seen and heard, their bond strengthens, they become more resilient ultimately make their relationship more sustainable.
Accept family and friends and make them feel welcome
The truth is we all have people that may not be the best people in our opinion, but healthy couples understand that if someone is important to your spouse then they are important to me. Focus on their strengths and similarities and build a connect of some sort based off of those things. Remember Family Matters.
Working as a counselor this one is huge. Everybody is looking to be heard. So, it’s essential to find ways to tell your partner that you understand what she or he is trying to convey, even when you may not agree.
Celebrate one another’s differences
The healthiest couples are able to appreciate their partner’s differences and know how respond and react to them with curiosity instead of judgement.
Ask instead of assuming
This is a big one, my favorite question to ask clients is “ well how do you know, did you ask”, it so common to assume and jump to conclusions. For example lets say a date night was missed, instead of saying he/she doesn’t care about me or doesn’t enjoy spending time….you can say I was really disappointed that you missed our date night, do you mind telling me what caused you to forget?
Balance of time
Healthy couples know how to balance the right time alone and together. We time is vital, but it is also very valuable to have moments were you pour back into yourself, so you can show up as the best version of yourself for the people you care about the most.
Remember you are on the same team
I remember years ago preaching to my clients that they were on the same team. When you have an argument with your spouse, does anybody receive a trophy??? No! So why not come to a consensus and both get on the same page versus trying to prove “Your Point”.
I pray this blog was helpful and encouraging. If you are looking to master these habits within your own relationship, please don’t hesitate to book. I look forward to serving you.
As Always Readers,
Your Sista on the Sofa,